Sexiest thing in the world

you know what is sexy ?

An Effort

for anyone , there is no easy life. 

everyone has their own battle that cannot comprehend.

and here is my story.

we make plans but sometimes it doesn't works as we planned, 

we make decisions but sometimes we regret it, 

but what we can do at the end is learn from all of our mistakes.

break up is never easy, especially breaking up from someone who i once loved so much.

it hurts , aches anywhere , mentally and physically,

and guess what ? 

you become someone completely different .

questioning questioning, 

wondering why i was never enough , 

what went wrong ?

but that's  not what i want to tell.

instead, how it left me in pain and how it shaped me to be who i am today.

the pain that i couldnt't stand, 

i lost weight, 

i lost my soul.

breaking up in the middle of me doing my thesis, which i planned to finish in that semester, I wanted to graduate in my 3.5th year, and I failed.

Disappeared from my college for almost two months till my first examiner contacted me to meet her. .

you know what i did ? 

I hid from reality and didn't show up.
it was hard to wake up every single day.

i was so stressed, i knew i'm not ready to continue my thesis, i need stability.

i were looking for a job and i got it, i worked as a barista in the biggest coffee brand in the world, as the way for me to escape from reality to help me forget the pain .

did it work???? 

yaaaaashh it did! but it was never easy hahahaha.

it was full of pressure , and it took a lot of my energy .

i work from 2pm  and get home at 3am .

i wasn't only making coffee

i clean every single things , did greasetrap , calibration , balancing , counting money and much more . it drained my energy it took a lot of my time.

and the next day i had to wake up at 11 am and had to work again from 1am, repeating the cycle five times in a week.

i don't even have time for myself . 

i'll be available on my phone just around 2am-4am or 11am-1pm.

i was so hard to be contacted.

until one day i realized i had responsibility with my thesis , my plan to graduate in my 3.5^th year already failed, just don't make it worse by finishing it late, i have to make it on time .

and once again my life became harder .

the feeling of giving up came in many times. i was thinking that i don't want to finish my study,  just let it be. 

just because it didn’t go as smooth as i imagined .

i showed up in college and everyone was like

"bitchhhh where have you been?"

"tara you look skinnier are you sick?"

"are you okay?"

"faaak i missed youuu"

my thesis it's not something common in my major, it was kind of harder than the others and i did regret it, like "ngapain sih aku dulu sok sok an penelitian yang susah gini" the old me used to be idealist and cocky. i didn’t want easy things and mainstream used by most students wkwkwk. 

mamam tuh .

used three hundred sample in two different location and i did it by myself.

i asked my manager to give me a proper schedule so i can finish my research.

i always request day off every monday-tuesday and the rest of weekdays i still can't believe i survived.

i improved my skill in the store trying to finish my work before 2am because i had to be in college at 8am and work at 2pm.

it was such a difficult hell thing to do but i'm proud i made it.

weekend? i'm working :)

FYI i live in south Surabaya, study in west Surabaya and worked in north Surabaya hehe.

in the workplace? i got a lot of pressure. 

everyday i had to learn new things they expected me to take a higher role.

i was responsible in making high sales every day, maintain UPT, AT, shot, category, additional, and all those shit words. 

and like others, there is a bad day and there is a good day.

once again it was never easy doing it in the same time. work and college life in the final year, while nursing my heartbreak

the day of sidang came, ready or not i had to face it because i had to graduate that semester. 

you know sometimes bad day happen. 

and here is the disaster, 

my mistake was, I forgot to replace the old assessment tools in my research with the new one, and my teacher was so angry with me, she said that I didn’t take this thesis seriously and she hated it . 

i asked for her apologize because actually it was my mistake and I was trying to show her the right tools but she refused it and ya doi nggondok dong ~~

i cried , cried a river because ya it was my mistake and i didn’t mean to make her angry.

i called my best friend, and she was speechless when she heard me crying. she said "I never heard you cry like this".

I regret it so fucking much, it's my fault, 

I was afraid that I won’t pass or if i passed with a bad score. i need to improve my score because it was terjun bebas in my last semester.

when my friends coming I tried to cherish it , and one thing for sure in that day is that i'm blessed to be surrounded by good people, they are my treasure.

revisian days coming, my first examiner had a miscarriage and she needed time to recover, it took almost 2 months, and my thesis needed her evaluation, but I didn’t get it because she was in her hometown.

My second examiner who was angry with me during the sidang won't accept me she said she won't met me. 

i still remember that day clearly, 

i waited for her since 10am. she showed up at 2pm, me and my friend were ready to meet her to ask for evaluation and she was like "yang butuh saya silahkan masuk kedalam ruangan saya , tara saya nggamau ketemu kamu . yang lainnya silahkan masuk"

that hurtsss so fckinnn much you know, i cried and my seniors who saw that drama cried as well, she couldn’t believe that my teacher was still super angry with me. 

all i did on that day was I prayed, i tried to convinence myself, after every difficulties there will be great things waiting for me. maybe it's time for me to learn merendah dan sabar.

i was jealous with some of my friend they finished their revisi just 2 weeks after sidang and me? it took 2 months, I needed to wait for my teacher who was still recovering and I almost lost my chance to graduate that semester . I just had 1 week left because the date of submission was almost over.

it was Sunday, and i have to upload my thesis in Monday. I need my Kajur sign as a requirement and he was going to Papua at 4pm, he lived in gresik and I had to work at 2pm.

in that day i got home at 3am, and woke up at 7am.

I went to gresik by motorcycle, came to his house and asked for his sign and arrived home at 12am then went to work at 2pm.

if I look back on those days i can't believe i made it

I was struggling

but i survived

I submitted my thesis at around 11 am , and you know what ? my friend who submitted her thesis at 2am lost her chance to graduate in that semester, the quota already full

i learnt that if I didn’t put my best effort the result might have been different.

less sleep it's okay

driving far away, because i had to graduate that semester.

Exhausted, it's a consequence, because it was my responsibility who took part-time job.

be patient it's an obligation, because it was my fault being careless

have a good assumption to God, because if I didn’t, maybe wouldn’t be able to write this story.

i'm proud, i went through all those difficulties , and i'm blessed i always have good people to be around and lean on. don't ask me how many times i wanted to give up.

surely it's not fckin easy , never at all.

there is days when i breakdown because things take me back to my past, i cried for a night and I ended up drunk

there is a day when my research got didn’t work out. Desperate, i got angry to everyone in my home and decided to quit from my thesis

there is a day when i made mistakes in the store, and my manager said that he was disappointed with me, and i cried again

there is a day when my supervisor told me to go back home because he saw me crying and having a breakdown

it was hard i find myself sobbing towards the end.
it was painful

but once again, i learnt.

i tried...

again...

again...

once more...

healing process is never easy. and everyone is fighting their own battle that we probably can't comprehend. that tragedy changed me into who I am today and more or less i changed. it forced to be tough, to be independent, to be brave. and yes, I transformed.

stay firm out of our struggles, our faith will emerge stronger than before.

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Take people for Granted

"But I’m only human

And I bleed when I fall down

I’m only human

And I crash and I break down

Your words in my head, knives in my heart

You build me up and then I fall apart

'Cause I’m only human, yeah"

katanya mba  Christina Perri sih begitu netizen..

well yha , we're just human right..

we get hurt and we hurt people

but the thing that i want to talk about is

when we hurt people..

sometimes with consciousness or unconsciousness state of mind we hurting people with or without purpose..

why ?

because we are selfish human being.

feels like what we have is never enough,

and we take things for granted..

because we don't need it anymore

because we think that we found something better to replace it

 

like as a child we gets a new toy , we  are delighted and want to play with it every chance you get , we want to take it everywhere even carry it to bed . but as time passes and new toys are introduced we play with it less and less till forgoten in the bottom of the toy box..

can we imagine if the toy is a human ? 

so let's make it a story..

there is someone who sticks around you

always be there for you , whenever you needed

listen to stories about your days , dreams..

tries to make you happy all the time

overcoming weaknesses just to fulfill what you want

is someone who put you  first before anything else..

at first you become addicted to her existance..

you want to talk with her everyday..

you want to see her everytime..

her fisrt kiss gives  you  butterflies in your stomach..

you're  glad to having this person in your life..

you think that you love this someone like you never love anyone before..

but,

time passes..

all the things that you thought were special , were not anymore..

you knew how it feels to be kissed in many times..

you knew her days will be like..

no more butterflies..

maybe you still feeling blessed , but..

someone new is coming..

someone you never known before..

you get curious about him

he gave you a sign that he can replace her position
and you choose him.

you get excited , like you get a new toy to play with..

his attention feels right to you, it consuming your mind

and without you realized you took what you had for granted

the definitions of being "taken for granted" include "to fail to appreciate the value" and "to treat someone in a careless or indifferent manner."

you may think the new one is so much better than the old one,  but

if you look and think deeper into it 

you will realize..

he never gives  you  butterflies..

his effort is so much less than the old one

his attention is different from the old one

and the saddest thing is , when you decide to leave and take her for granted you hurt her deeply..

"Being taken for granted can be a compliment. It means that you've become a comfortable, trusted element in another person's life"—Joyce Brothers

human is selfish creature , it's about their needed and wants..

you need to be with someone , you ask for relationship..

you're tired with relationship , you ask for break up..

you miss her , you ask  to go back..

then you feel tired again , you ask for break up again..

and when you found someone to replace her you just throw her away..

at the end we need to understand  , "once we  figure out what respect tastes like , it tastes better than attention"

regards,

pluie

made possible thanks to my fellow heart-broken mates 💕

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40 hours

nama grup nya sih "otw bandung" tapi ya gitu otw terus ngga nyampe nyampee wkwk . yang gatau kenapa nyampe nya malah di bromo! wkwk bukan liburan yang terbaik tapi liburan yang sangat berkesan sih sebenernya huahahaha

kenalin lah ada 5 srikandi gesrek yang cakep abis tapi ndeso nggapernah naik jeep wkwkwk , yang tiga orang temen dari SMA yang satu temen Les waktu SMA tapi yang satu tadi udah kenal lama sama temen yang dua dari SMA . (susah ya bacanya ? yaudah sih dilewatin aja wkwk nggausah dipikirin). 

kereta kita berangkat dari surabaya jam 20.05 terus janjianya jam 18.30 dirumah Isna , dan ya rencana hanyalah rencana 😂😂 mari dibikin kronologis kejadianya .

• chunca sudah dijalan gupuh oleh ibunya dan gatau rumahnya isna alhasil langsung ke stasiun
• aku nyampe rumah isna , rumahnya kosong ga ada orang 
• datanglah dita sama bapaknya dirumah isna 
• jam 19.00 rosa belum muncul dan tidak ada tanda tanda isna hidup.
• 19.20 isna baru ngabarin kelar magang dan rosa baru bisa dihubungi.
• 19.30 cao aku , dita , rosa tanpa isna (karena macet nya surabaya hari jumat mengerikan)

dan ya pokoknya ini moment paling mengerikan 20.02 pemberitahuan kereta mau masuk stasiun dan isna belum muncul . pokoknya gopoh tok gopok pikiran udah kemana-mana mikir berbagai plan daaaaaannn deg..deg..deg..deg kereta masuk memanggil penumpang untuk segera naik bahkan aku sampe minta tolong petugas nya suruh tunggu bentar bentaarr aja dan yaaaa akhirnya muncul lah isna turun dari abang gojeeeek larilah lah kita seperti takut ketinggalan jodoh wkwkwk . udah pokoknya itu moment paling gopoh 

naik kereta api tut..tut..tut

ada ya manusia yang jenis begini 😂

sampai stasiun malang jam 22.30 dan berhubung baru dijemput jam 00.30 carilah kita yang anget anget nih

pujasera depan stasiun 

nah itu telpon telponan sama mamang driver kita , doi minta kita ke perempatan mana gitu by bemo/becak yang intinya doi ngga bisa jemput didepan stasiun . pleaseeee kita sama sekali ngga nemu angkot atapun becak FYI itu udah jam 00.00 . yaudahlah kita (para srikandi) sepakat mau jalan kaki aja atau siapa tau nemu angkot dijalan . sampailah kita ke perempatan itu dan jeep kita kebetulan pas dateng juga tapi...tapi tapi tiba-tiba dari arah berlawanan ada bemo ngebut nyetop jeep kita (posisi kita masi diseberang jalan) kita pun terdiam , terpaku , tercengang , tertakut bingung sendiri . gaberani make a move lah pokoknya . driver kita minta diselesaikan secara damai tapi supir supir bemo itu masi ngga terima sepertinya dan bimsalabim akhirnya kelar lah permasalahan . sewaktu di jeep nanya nih kita ke driver kita kenapa sih kok harus naik angkot dulu kata drivernya monopoli pasar gitu hmmm eh ngga lama udah disuguhi ada tawuran dijalan wkwkwk ngeriiii dah ngerrriii

jam 03.00 kita udah nyampe lokasi pertama buat liat sunrise , berhubung masi gelap dan dingin sedingin doi bales chat mampir lah kita ke warung and got this things

cuma disini makan pop-mie rasa di pesawat hahahaha harga nya bisa 3x lipat harga normal , juga minumanya balapan tinggi tinggian harga kyanya wkwkwk . nah itu yang bawah foto wisatawan lainnya yang lagi nungguin sunrise juga atau nunggu sholat subuh ? 

jadi saya bingung mau nge foto sunrise apa tongsis beserta hape nya wkwk

ini kita dengan kabut heuheu 

jadi disana kita ketemu grup dari jekardaah dan salah satunya ada yang ganteeeeeng subhanallah , ala ala harajuku japanesse gitu wkwkwk . jadi sebenernya buat bisa foto kaya diatas harus lompat pager dulu gitu hehe. setelah selese narsis di penanjakan turun lah kita kembali ke jeep .

selanjutnya ke bukit pasir widodaren, nah bedanya apa nih sama lautan pasir berbisik ? jadi kalo di bukit pasir widodaren itu masi ada rumputnya dikit dikit wkwkwk udah itu aja sih but so far baguuuus sih dan berhubung kita udah puas di bukit pasir widodaren kita nggamau mampir di bukit pasir berbisik . 

Silau men 

nah setelah dari widodaren kita menuju kawah nih... dan ini memorable bangeeeet lah , capeknya naik nggak sepadan sama ketakutan diatas huahahaha 😂😂

jadi gini ..

gini..

tarik nafas dulu..

oke gini..

tempatnya kita diturunin dari jeep sama tempat mulai ndaki kawah itu jauh bangeeeet . aku ulangi lagi yaa jaaaaauuuuuuuuuh bangeeeeeet juwauuuuuuuh banget nget pokoknya nah dari awal turun jeep udah ada yang nawarin kuda sih banyaaak.

"naik kuda nya mbak sampek tangga"

"ayo mbak kuda nya 80 aja"

"mbak nggak naik kuda?"

"mbak capek lho ntar"

terus we nanya nih sama driver kesayangan "mas emang harus ya naik kuda?" terus doi jawab "bisa jalan sih kalo kuat"

and then..

then..

saya dengan teman-teman saya milih jalan kaki dengan berbagai alasan 

pertama , mahal buk uangnya bisa dibuat makan :') . dan kedua , kita ya pengen nyoba dulu setidaknya pengen tau rasanya gimana huahahahaha *sok sok an*

sambil jalan beberapa teman saya membayangkan dirinya adalah tokoh ayat-ayat cinta karena kita dikelilingi oleh pasir berasa di padang pasir gitu yaa :')

belum sampek anak tangga yang awalnya ber lima mulai terpecah , akhirnya dua dari kita memilih untuk menyerah dan stay dibawah *sigh*  dan tiga sisanya tetep lanjuuuuut.

sambil jalan i'm keep telling my self  "we don't need a horse i'm a horse" hahahahaha "one more time one more time" 

sambil tetep jalan ada aja yang nawarin kuda "ayo mbak kuda nya 20 aja wes" we mbatin njir giliran udah mau nyampe anak tangga aja 20. 

tapi tetep niat kita kuat kok dari awal :') yang bertiga mulai runtuh nih yang isna jalannya mulai melambat dan we sama rosa tetap berusah (usaha banget ini) tetep stabil dan yeaaaaay finally kita nyampai anak tanggaaaa subhanallaaaaah! 

istirahat lah aku sama rosa bentar kita ambil nafas dan minum sebelum mulain naik anak tangga sambil nungguin isna yangdibelakang but doi ngga kelihatan naik naik .

berangkat lah aku sama rosa  mulai naik angkat tangga...dan ini...jauh lebih berat...

berat..

berat banget...

dan rosa mulai kelelahan..

dia berhenti tapi me keep going..

dan hwalaaa

ternyata aku ketemu isna huahahaha dia udah diatas aku rupanya ini lol banget..

dan setelah menggunaka rumus 

naik dua berhenti ambil nafas 

akhirnyaaaaaaah kita sampaaaai kawah! *ini perjuangan banget*

me sama isna selfie dulu sama kawah 

dan nggak lama rosa kelihatan dipermukaan huahahaha gatau om om mana yang doi sepik buat gendong sampek atas kawah :')

rosa dan isna 

dan nasib dua temen saya yang namanya dita dan chunca , kita berharap mereka have fun juga dibawah :')

bayangin tuh manusia nya kya semut gitu , terus me and ma gengs jalan dari tempat jeep sana . jeep yang lebih gede dari manusia aja ngga kelihatan :')

pemandangan di bawah anak tangga paling terakhir 

dan tetep kita nggamau pake kuda :') karena kita pikir toh tinggal turun aja sama sekalian foto-foto karena tadi waktu naik fokus nya bisa nyampe kawah :') 

pemandangan kawah dari bawah 

ini anak tangga jumlahnya lebih dari 100 anak tangga :')

jadi kenapa saya bilang capek nya naik ngga sepadan adalah...suara gemuruh diatas kawah bikin saya takut..dan yang ada dipikiranku ini kalo tiba tiba lava nya tumpeh tumpeh bagaimana cara tercepat menyelamatkan diri ?

turun tangga gamungkin

jadi..

nggelundungno awak dan itu balapan ntar sama lava nya wahahahaha

then i ask rosa sama isna "udah yuk jangan lama-lama" karena aku mbatin kalo ada apa-apa banyak ngga selamatnya :')

apa kabar dita sama chunca ?

look..

berasa poster film ya 

sendirian mba :')

ternyata mereka jeniesssssssss, ngga sia-sia kyanya mereka ngga naik ke kawah :'). see i learn something , everybody have an option ngga ada yang lebih baik atau lebih buruk as long kita bisa memaksimalkan setiap pilihan *toast*

setelah balik ke jeep semua pada ngeluarin makanan yang tersisa dan tamatlah riwayat makanan-makanan itu oleh si rakus pendaki wakakaka. semestinya selanjutnya kita ke pasir berbisik tapi seperti yang udah aku jelasin sebelumnya kita milih langsung ke savan becauseeee kita sudah lelah kalo harus nggumbul pasir lagi :')

di savana atau bukit teletubies ini kita ngga nemu lala atau poo sedih kan :( anyway ngga banyak cerita yang gimana-gimana sih karena pemandangan nya emang buaguuuuss dan everyone sibuk cekrak cekrek wkwkwk dan hasilnya adalah foto-foto yang baguuuuus <3 dan kita semua mbelani banget mbrasak mbrasak demi foto yang bagus let's see behind the scene feeds mereka di instagram ..

fokus banget ya mba :')

yang depan ngapain yang belakang juga ngapain :')

serius amat mba :')

sek rek belum siap

eh ada paprazzi yang motoin 

i wonder how happy they are :)

for more photos kalian bisa liat instagram tiap anak dijamin bukan yang behind the scene mbambung kya diatas :') 

well , sebenernya itu destinasi terakhir kita selesai puas foto-foto kita balik ke jeep dan balik ke malang . pokoknya di jeep semua udah lelah capek tapi tiba-tiba jeep berhenti ditempat air terjun terus mamas driver nya nawarin buat turu otomatis kita jawab enggak soalnya udah pengen cepet balik eh mamasnya ijin mau ngopi bentar kalo gitu eh yaudah kita akhirnya turun masuk ke wisata air terjun nya hahahaha cari yang air air seger-seger 

dan itu..

jalan ke air terjun nya 

jauh..

lumayan jauh dari pintu masuk nya...

jalannya turun sih..tapi ntar baliknya itu yang jalannya naik :')

on our way 

ini yang ngefotoin lelah banget sampe nge blur semua :')

kita lelas mz :'

di jeep masi ada air kok ros :')

setelah kelar keceh-keceh dan beberapa kali insiden kepleset balik lah kita ke jeep , dan kita driver kita menghilang..

nanya sana sini ke mamang tukang parkir "disitu mba" yang kita liat ada kantong tidur di pohon...

mamas driver kita lagi bobok...dan dengan santainya doi bilang "kok cepet mbak ?"

cepet dari hongkong.....

sayonara..sayonara..mari saatnya pulang ~

kebetulan karena hari minggu banyak acara pawai yang nutup jalan tuh nah berhubung kita pulangnya ke lawang mau nginep dirumah isna bukan ke malang,  yaudah mencari jalan tembusan dimana jalan berbatu-batu yang membuat seluruh tubuh ini bergejolak bagikan es batu yang diblender dan aku cuma berharap bersama gejolak ini lemak-lemak ditubuh ikut luruh 😂😂 udah jalannya kek gitu eh masi nyasar-nyasar pisaaan pake gps bahkan mamas driver kita yang imut sekali sampek nelpon owner travel dengan gamblang bilang :
"iki lewat endi seng paling cedek" (ini lewat mana yang paling deket)
sepertinya owner travel menyarankan memutar lagi
"yo mending aku ketabrak pesawat ae lek ngono carane" (lebih baik aku ketabrak pesawat aja) mungkin karena mas driver berniat lewat jalur bandara kali ya :')

karena saking desperate nya sama jalan yang jauh , berbatu dan nyasar doi kyanya lelah dan bilang ke owner "suwi suwi aku ngojek iki mobilku tak kekno arek-arek" (lama-lama aku nggojek aja , mobil ku kasihkan ke anak-anak) dan seketika anak-anak semua langsung diem....hanjirrrrr serem juga nih mas driver😨😨 dan yaa it just fun part of our journeeeey!🙌🙌
begitu ngelihat bendera merah putih mas idam bilang ,
" wah kita masih di indonesia rek , belum di australia" karena jokes kita curiga keluar jalan berbatuan sawah ini kita sudah ngga di indonesiaaaa. dan sampailah kita ke lawaaaang! alhamdulillah banyak bersuyukur kita selamat 😄

well , perjalanan ini almost perfect! teman-teman yang seru tapi koplak tapi rakus tapi mengkhawatirkan , tapi ribet , tapi ndeso pokoknya banyak tapi tapi nya tapi aku mau kok liburan sama kalian lagi uwuwuwu 😍😍  , driver yang mencemaskan tapi menggemaskan dan menghanyutkan hahahaha. thankyouuuu guyssss unforgotable trip💙💜❤💘

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